just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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