I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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