did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They have beer where we have blood.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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