dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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