I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
