East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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