i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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