This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
