have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
