I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
