We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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