hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
