My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
