i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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