Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
