Screwed.edu
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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