I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
