Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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