An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
