your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
