We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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