My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
