my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
