I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
