So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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