If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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