i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
