If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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