there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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