Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
