The best revenge is premature balding
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
