After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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