toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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