You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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