My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
