So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
