Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
