i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
