Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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