I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize