someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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