You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
