I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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