Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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