i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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