I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
