I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
