escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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