need another drink. this is the easiest way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
