who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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