god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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