Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize