last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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