i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm both gender and math confused
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
