i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
