I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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