We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
