last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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