What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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