jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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