is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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